You know that feeling where you’re dying to tell someone how you feel? To pour your whole heart to someone, to try and make them understand what you’re going through, why you are the way you are, why you’re so upset or frustrated. But then you’re stuck. You can’t seem to do it because you don’t want to waste their time or yours. You don’t want to explain something to someone you know won’t care the least bit of what you have to say. The moment you start to explain how or why, you start cutting it short because you’ve thought, “this is pointless..” You don’t want to constantly hear, “I know how you feel” because it’s not genuine. You don’t need advice from them, you don’t even need them to say one thing. You just need them to listen to you. Take in what you’ve said, and somewhat.. just feel and have more sense of who you are.
If someone makes you happy, and if you’re their source of happiness, please do what ever it takes to keep them. When someone amazing steps into your life, it depends on your actions to keep them there or not. People only walk into your life once, and it’s their choice to leave. If they don’t, why let go of someone who will always stay by your side?
I don’t understand how people can take so much bullshit. I feel like I’ve reached my bullshit limit in my life, if there is such a thing. People make me mad, everything makes me mad. I never noticed this up until now, but I have so much anger built up in me that when I look around me, every little thing ticks me off.
Every time I looked at you, every time I was with you, or even near you, you made me smile. You made me smile to the point where I would try to hold it in every time I would talk to you. There’s such a peaceful feeling, being with someone you love. It didn’t matter what problems or the situation I was in. You were the person who took it all away. You were the only good part when everything was bad.
I wish I was enough for someone to not look around at others while in a relationship. When you’re in a relationship with someone for so long, you start to get really comfortable with that person. I always used to get scared of being too close to the person. Too close to the point where they would get sick of you. Sick of talking to you, because eventually they would get bored. I never thought I would be the type for someone to be sick of. I want to be the girl you want to stay with even if there are girls that are 10 x prettier. I want to be the reason why you don’t seek attention from other girls. But I can’t be.. and I hate that. Because then there’s the feeling of “am I not enough anymore?” It hurts. It just hurts. It hurts knowing I still find everything you say sweet. It hurts knowing that I still find your reactions cute. It hurts knowing that when I do give in that extra effort, you’re just “used” to it now.
You make me happy as much as you can make me sad. The happiness I feel with you, I know I wouldn’t be able to feel it with any other person. As for the pain, I’d rather be hurt by you than anyone else. Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
People believe that even though our bodies die down, our souls continue to live. What if our souls continue to love the same person from the past? Why did we meet in the first place and go through our hardships together if it wasn’t meant to be? You know when someone says, “I’ll love you forever”? Maybe it really is possible. This compelling, passionate feeling I have towards you doesn’t just happen for anyone. I’m so drawn to you in every way possible. Being so sure of such a strong feeling for someone doesn’t just happen. Love like this doesn’t “just happen”. As much as we both let go, push each other out, leave one another, we find a way back. Every. Single. Time. Even when we’re so far apart, we still love. Now, why do you think that is? When we think we’ve let go, our hearts hold on, our souls do. We’re in each others lives for a reason. Possibly because we were lovers in our past lives. Possibly because our souls.. never really stopped loving each other.
You’re given chances because people think you can change. You’re forgiven because people can see that you realize you’ve done wrong. It’s true when some say, “you can’t trust anyone, not even your best friend”. You really can’t. Bad memories come back to everyone, no matter how much time passes, no matter how many times you hear “I’m sorry”. I try so hard to forgive and forget, but a part of me sometimes say that forgiving isn’t the right choice this time. And no matter how hard I try to forget, I can’t. There’s a very thin line that comes with trust. And I feel that not many people are too careful of stepping way beyond that and thinking that gaining it back is simple.
I’m at a point where I’m just too overwhelmed by emotions that it’s too much to express, even on Tumblr. Even though it seems I have many friends, there’s almost few to none that I can turn to. I’ve been used to the fact that I have to deal with everything on my own. I just wish it wasn’t this way. For once I’d like to meet someone who has gone through something similar. Someone I can tell something to, and have the response be, “I know exactly how you feel.” and actually mean it without judgment. I feel that I try my hardest to comfort anyone who needs it, but when it’s my turn, I don’t receive that back. I know not everyone is this way, but many people in the world are. Many of you will read this, and not care. I expect that, because it’s normal.
No one can understand how you really feel. You can tell them everything, your life story, you can be descriptive on every little feeling and detail. But even so, none of that will ever be enough to understand.
People might disagree, some might even argue back with me, but sometimes I can feel that I’m the ugliest person in the world. Inside and out.
I believe that everyone has some sort of problem and insecurities in them. No matter how beautiful you may look, no matter how perfect you can make your life seem, at the end of the day, there’s always one thing that’s wrong. I think that’s what makes us lose it and go on the verge of insanity at times.
